Written by Jimbo123
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Topics: Scientists

Thursday, 24 June 2010

image for Scientists 'pin down' screaming hangover formula
"You could of pulled her before you did that!"

After centuries of pondering on the appauling effects of drinking to excess, scientists have finally been able to calibrate hangovers into 5 levels - similar to Fujita scale for grading tornados.

The key to understanding the scale is to evaluate the speciment before it (or arguable they) go to sleep.

T0 - The individual will have drunk 4 pints of beer or less. They are likely to have lined their stomachs and gone home virtually sober. In the morning they will walk out into mental sunshine - as God intended.

T1 - The individual will have drunk about 8 pints of normal beer. Teeth will of been brushed along with a glass of water at the bedside. The morning will require some measures - coffee and the 3 'S'es of the bathroom

T2 - About 12 pints of normal beer of the average straight man. This is the limit to the 'work hard play hard' coporate theory. To activate the 'money' part of the brain, prescription drugs - Nurofen and Ibuprofen may be required to extract the individual from his bed.

T3 - is what scientists like to call 'new horizons' - such as waking up in a station or bath tub. There is a piece of time that disappears - which sounds attractive until you discover what happened in it.

T4 - is how sinners become saints - otherwise know as an 'out of body experience' - although waking up may feel somewhat paradoxical. Creating this 'cressendo' requires many days of purposeful drinking - perhaps 100 pints or more.

T5 - is dealt with by other departments. Coroners like to 'splay' the body before examining it.

And thus to the formula which is...Hangover = Embarrassment to the power of Tx

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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