Written by ronin47empire
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Wednesday, 23 June 2010

image for Reverse Psychological Warfare: US donates Nukes to Iran
Obama has allegedly made the call to halt Iran's pursuit of nukes by simply giving them Nukes for 10 good reasons

The United States has decided to try a new tack on its looming war with Iran. The Pentagon's super secret "Reverse Psychological Warfare Department" has recommended that America try to stop trying to stop Iran from getting its own mushroom-makers and actively aid Tehran in its pursuit of the bomb.

"When Barack Obama took over, the world knew that the most powerful military nation on the planet had a more cunning warlord at the helm. But no one expected him to really change the way the US prosecuted its conflicts. Mindful of the failure in finding non-existent WMDs in Iraq, the current US administration has decided to give Tehran nukes before they attack," said Dr Xiao Lao Feng of Beijing's HaiXiee Institute of International Screw-ups.

Apart from being easier than trying to stop them, there are several motives aka good reasons.

Pay it Forward Sequel

Iran's underdog effort to "also" be able to commit genocide is so endearing to the American spirit. At its present pace Tehran will take years but the US donating one or a dozen of its thousands of nuclear weapons to Iran will speed up the process from "years" to "tomorrow".

This will be a strong statement against "Sharing" making the sequel ot Pay it Forward that much more interesting.

Equality

The US had already donated its weapons designs to Britain and Israel, at least. Plus, over the years several dozens of nations have fondled and handled long cylindrical objects made in the US with Uranium in them. It's only fair now that the US let Iran play with its toys now.

Ahmedinajad's brain might short out

After spewing venom at the US for decades on end, Iran's President will have nothing to bitch and moan about except his people hating his guts because he keeps sticking his nose into other people's business. There's also the possibility of a scowl on that pretty face being replaced with a doubletake.

Iran might just man up

It could be like an episode of Wonder Years only instead of Kevin Arnold smoking every cigarette in the pack as punishment for coveting a single tobacco stick, Ayatollah Khomenei could be asked to deal with hundreds of doomsday devices and actually come up with a vision for the world after the destruction of a measly state with 6 million people.

What is Iran going to do after Israel is destroyed? Do we know? Do they know? It would be nice the for Ayatollah to use it as a segway to narrate the futility of war and other dumb shit like that.

A Real War: Hells yeah!

Going to war against an Iran without nuclear weapons poses no threat of annihilation or even a bloody nose for America. Not really. Yes, there's all this bullshit talk of the US being in debt etc etc. But imaginary math on the speculative economy aside, the US does have enough guns and bombs to kill everyone it allegedly owes money to. So no one's going to call in any debts, not China, not Russia.

The propaganda guys have simply gotten tired of the brave American Soldier with his laser guided-weapons mowing down 30 tanks of the "great" enemy and other weapons that were outdated even in the '80s when they were bought, let alone 30 years later when they're listed in the thesaurus under "target".

Quietly hoping Iran will Nuke Afghanistan and Pakistan

It's almost common knowledge now that the problem in Afghanistan is Pakistan. Pakistan, however, has real weapons and it might be difficult for brave Americans to fight against a country that doesn't have the latest weapons from 1965 but actual guns and stuff. But Iran doesn't really care about it's casualties. Some senior officials seem to strongly favor pitting Iran against these two countries nuking two birds with one stone as it were.

Sticking it to the Asteroid That Strikes the Earth Two Days After Nuclear Armageddon

Imagine you're an unstoppable asteroid that's about to get it's jollies by levelling all life on Earth. There's no way to stop you. Except, if there's nothing to destroy. Iran nukes the wrong guy with donated weapons. Wrong guy nukes America for donating weapons and finally everyone nukes everyone. Then asteroid strikes killing absolutely nothing leaving a pyrrhic crater.

No one Will Give a Shit about the Famine in Gaza Then

Oh, wait, no one cares about that even now. But, if Iran did nuke someone, people would certainly care less about the civilian population of Palestine.

Screw you, China

China seems to have some unnatural fetish for giving nukes to unpredictable countries like North Korea and Pakistan. The US can now outflank China since it has more to give. Kind of like a Columbian gang taking over from the Canadian gangs in the cocaine scene.

Lowering the Price of Nukes to Affordable Levels for Wannabe Satire Comedy Writers

This increase in supply will naturally lower the price of nukes. That way satire writers in countries dominated by dogs and ruled by pussies can have their own nukes in their basement and reply to a court summons from a corrupt judge(or the one retired honest one) with a guaranteed assurance of a 30kT shockwave. It's called deterence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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