Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 21 June 2010

image for Joran Van der Sloot Retracts Peru Confession
Waiting For The Rats To Show Up As Darkness Falls

It seems that suspected double-murderer and sociopath, Joran van der Sloot can't make his mind up about whether he really is a killer or not.

Van der Sloot has confessed to killing US citizen Natalee Holloway in Aruba, and Stephany Flores in a Lima hotel room, and subsequently retracted his confessions.

Dutch playboy van der Sloot was the last person to be seen with either woman and the evidence amassed against him seems damning, but as he languishes in a Lima prison cell he claims that he was coerced into the Stephany Flores murder confession.

He claims that he was being sexually harassed by fellow inmates, intimidated by gang members, terrorised by rats, and that he is limited as to what he can watch on TV. He also claims to have suffered significant weight loss because of the atrocious quality of the prison food.

As a result of such pressure and intimidation, he claims to have signed everything put in front of him after Peruvian officials promised to transfer him to a five star hotel room with Oranjeboom beer on tap, the services of prostitutes, and room service before deporting him back to his native Netherlands. When these 'promises' weren't delivered he retracted his confessions via his lawyers and now plans to enter a 'not guilty' plea in the Stephany Flores case.

A Peruvian detective told us:

"This ass-hole is going nowhere. Not for a long, long time."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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