Last week, BP agreed to provide a $20 billion aid fund to assist victims of the oil spill. The money is earmarked to help persons whose homes, businesses, livelihood, or property have been destroyed, damaged, or harmed as a result of the spill (directly or indirectly).
This weekend, Barack Obama wrote the first check, sending $10 billion dollars to ACORN. "The amount of devestation that this organization has received in the gulf area has been incalculable," said the President. "Their reputation and fund raising efforts in the region are almost down to zero and they must be saved."
When asked how ACORN would spend the money, a woman who wished to remain nameless (but whose ID says her last name is "Waters") said "we gonna use this cash to try to recruit (buy) more voters in the area so we don't lose the mid-term elections. We also gotta import more illegal aliens and give them the vote to help our party and our cause."
"Also, we gotta use our experience and instruct these poor, disadvantaged people how to get away with cheating on their taxes and how to pimp out their daughters and girlfriends as under aged prostitutes."
One man, a tea party member in Baton Rouge named Jake LaBount, pointed out that the entire ACORN presence in his town was a single desk office in an old, closed convenience store. "How do these folks need ten billion dollars? Do they need to replace a stapler? Did they run out of paperclips?"
"I've got 600 yards of ruined property on the bayou, and I've been told I'm not eligible for compensation because I made more than $40,000 last year. My fishing boat is ruined, my beach is ruined, my business is ruined, and everything smells."
"Someone needs to use some of this oil to grease the sides of the President's ass so he can slide his head out and see what's really going on."
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