It was announced at a noon press conference that embattled CEO of BP has been kidnapped by Somali pirates. Tony Haywood, the CEO born with two left feet in his mouth, had escaped the "small" people of the sticky, icky Gulf of Mexico to enjoy a little sailing recreation with his son at the JP Morgan Asset Management Round The Island Race, around the Isle of Wight, off the coast of southern England.
It was while father and son were nearing the harbor that their sail boat was boarded by vagabond Somali pirates who absconded with Mr. Haywood. Before they left, the pirates demanded 25 million euros for the safe return of their kidnapped victim.
Mr. Haywood's son, Horatio, was heard to say, "Don't bother me with details. I have to get back to my life."
Meanwhile, neither BP nor the world, for that matter, has decided to step up and say that the ransom would be paid. One BP official was heard to say, "Who is Tony Haywood?"