SPECIAL TO INS - On Thursday, more than 100 filthy people from Long Island were treated to a luncheon hosted by Fox News CEO Rupert Murdoch. The festivities were held in a corner of Murdoch's estate normally used by his dog, Hypocrite.
In an effort to make the participants feel at home, newly discarded Frigidaire cartons were arranged tastefully on the pee-spot-marked turf. Baked chitlins à l'orange and turnips-sans-dirt served as the main course, along with heaps of day-old bread and tubs of Kool-Aid fortified with Sterno. The meal ended with a delightful sorbet made from recycled fish-market ice and jug wine.
Murdoch's appearance after dessert was greeted by the assembled guests with much enthusiasm.
"This is a great moment for compassionate conservatism," exclaimed Sean Hannity, Fox News' second in command of the Fake News Division and event MC. "You will no longer suffer under the Obama label of 'the homeless.' From this day forward, you will be known, at least in Oyster Bay, as simply 'The Filthy.' This afternoon, you will be herded to temporary quarters near a Long Island Expressway interchange."
Seven cattle cars are being converted to house The Filthy. Former Secretary of HUD, Mel Martinez, assured the gathering that the cars are "sound and watertight." His mother-in-law will have the honor of taking up residence in Space 1 on Car 1.
Hannity closed the celebration with a rousing salute to the filthy. "You are America's true heartland. So let's lift up our cups and give three cheers for our host, Rupert!" The festivities ended with Rev. Pat Robertson's stirring benediction, which compared The Filthy with the children of Israel, sort of.