Ex-wife Shannon Price: "Does that mean I get two Wills' worth of toy trains?"
Manute Bol, the former incredibly huge man who the Sixers used to park in front of the basket, with express instructions to "swat away the orange ball", experiences two calamities in one day.
First, he died. Which sucked.
Second, only moments after smashing his forehead open on the Pearly Gates of Heaven, he trod upon can't-get-no-respect dead fidget Gary Coleman.
Coleman's dinky, elf-like angel's body was transported to Christ Hospital in Christtown, where he is reportedly on Afterlife Support.
Shannon Price, Coleman's ex-wife --recently hired by Satan to be Hell's Manager of Demon Training-- was notified of the accident via Ouija Board early Saturday. She immediately scribbled another Will on the back of a Denny's napkin and attempted to file it in Heaven.
Price said Coleman's "Will For When I'm In Heaven" was written by the li'l guy using "a magical pen with pixie dust as ink." Police experts subsequently reported that glitter and Elmer's Glue were used.
In it, Coleman allegedly asks to be removed from any external afterlife support, so that he can return to Earth and AGAIN be exploited by every one he ever meets.
God will appear with Nancy Grace tonight to discuss the incident. And then he will smite her.