Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Monkey, Camilla

Monday, 21 March 2005

image for Camilla Love Child Special - Hope For Endangered Species
Camilla Cuddles The New Baby Of The Endangered Species

It is a tragic event that the British Royal Family of orangutans is a critically endangered species and so it was with some scepticism that when Monkey World, Dorset, UK had announced the coupling of Charles (56) and Camilla (57) that they would bond well and produce any offspring at all. Biologists were also concerned that Charles was now too old as well as the fact that having been brought up in a cage, Charles has been documented as having some strange social practices and very unusual sexual tendencies.

However, Mother Camilla, 57, gave birth on Tuesday at Monkey World in Dorset. Keepers were worried if she would know how to take care of the baby, as she was orphaned at a young age when her parents sent her to a Catholic convent school. Mrs Cronin added "Basically they do not develop a normal sexually healthy appetite but tend to be very flirty and play around a lot and do not have any experience of being a good parent but the center's owner Alison Cronin said: "She has been attentive from the moment he was born. She cleaned him up and has cuddled him and kept him warm but we have to watch out as she has abandoned 2 of her previous offspring."

The British Royal Family of orangutans are one of the world's most endangered species, with biologists estimating they could become extinct in the wild within the next 20 years.

Mrs Cronin said "The baby's father, 56-year-old Charles, was rescued from an amusement park in Windsor Castle. He was found wandering the streets after he became too big for his owners to care for him" and she added "he acted strangely on the day his son was born, I don't know how he knew, but he knew something was going on and on that day he stayed glued to that window of his cage and wouldn't move."

She went on "We had tried to couple Charles with a very young, attractive and healthy female, Diana who was just 18 at the time but they never did bond really well and in the end we had to use several surrogate fathers in order to get her to conceive and produce 2 splendid boy British Royal Family orangutans. Unfortunately, Diana died in 1997 due to some extremely strange unknown reasons and both her offspring have already demonstrated unreasonable behaviour leading to concerns about their potential breeding capability."

Mrs Cronin from Monkey World concluded: "We are just so pleased about something positive coming out of all this tragedy."

The birth will be registered at the Windsor Guildhall Registry Office on the 8th April and the baby orangutans name on the birth certificate will be Fritz Charles Saxen-Gottenberg. Afterwards there will be a big party at the nearby Windsor Castle Amusement Park with games such as pass the parcel and loads of presents and bananas for the happy parents.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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