United Nations-- Mother Nature is really, really pissed. She visited the UN building yesterday and had a short meeting with Barack Obama and BP head Tony Hayward at the UN building in New York City. After the meeting, both men were shaking like leaves and on the edge of tears. Barack Obama was so shocked his hair turned as white as snow.
"Fuckers!" yelled Mother Nature. "You clowns better get your asses in gear or I will kick them. You have until July 1 to stop this, or 2012 will come 18 months early!" she screamed.
Mother Nature can be very patient and understanding, but she has her limits. She promised both men that if the oil gusher wasn't capped soon, she'd teach mankind a lesson 'they won't forget for 10,000 years.'
"Here's my plan, and I hope you're paying attention!" she lectured. "I have a 30 mile wide bubble of methane and natural gas right below the oil gusher. I also have a match. If I light this match, there will be an explosion. Get the picture, morons??"
Scientists believe that if a gas bubble that size exploded under the Gulf of Mexico, it would make a mile-high tsunami. But at least it would stop the oil gusher.
"Picture a mile high tidal wave of boiling oil and water racing towards the shore. Picture this mile high tidal wave wiping out most of North America. Got it?? Good. Now get the fuck out of here, before I kick your asses" she yelled.
Barack Obama immediately called a press conference. His hair was still bright white, and it stood up. He had a sudden brainstorm as he addressed the press corps.
"Hey everyone! I'm going to Australia for awhile. Have a nice Summer! Goodbye!"