Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Iraq, Food

Saturday, 7 May 2005

Italy's Pizza CEO, Silvio Berlusconi, announced plans yesterday on a live chat show to start withdrawing his country's 3,000-strong Pizza Delivery Express service in Iraq in September. The move comes on top of the withdrawal of more than a dozen countries offering fast food services in Iraq over the last year and could complicate efforts to keep the Iraq's new home grown fast food service industry build up rapid response unit units capable of taking over from foreign fast food chains. Italy has lost 21 Pizza ovens in Iraq but in the most extreme case, U.S. led Burger King McDonalds Inc car park attendants attacked some of Italy's Pizza Delivery Express men although they later apologised saying "it is a very competitive market and we though the Italians were getting away with one of our customers." The Pizza Delivery Express men counter claimed "We had already picked up the customer and she was a communist vegetarian anyway, so it was unlikely that she would touch a burger".

Two years after the U.S. led Burger King McDonalds Inc toppled the Saddam Hussein Couscous vast fast food chain empire in Iraq, the industry is collapsing internally amid mounting losses, wastage and even food poisoning that have stoked anti-fast food sentiment and sapped the leading investors resolve to keep up with the harmful losses in the Iraq fast food industry.

Italian CEO, Silvio Berlusconi, who confirmed he would seek re-election next year as CEO of Italy's national Pizza Delivery Express Spa, alluded to the rising home public shareholders discontent and said he had spoken with British CEO Minister Tony Blair, Greasy Fish & Chips Plc, another strong Burger King McDonalds Inc joint investor. "We need to construct a precise exit strategy to avoid further losses".

Asked whether the ‘car park attendants punch up' played a role in Berlusconi's decision, U.S. led Burger King and McDonalds Inc spokesman Scott McClellan said, "I'm not sure I'd make a connection there ... I haven't heard any comment to that effect from the Italian led Pizza Delivery Express Spa -but sure everybody is upset about the incident which even involved spilt fries."

Ironically, Russian bear meat distributors are bucking the trend and Georgia Bear Burgers Ltd are boosting their presence but will account for only 0.001% of the total market and unfortunately for the Russian employees some 137 Ukrainian Vodka distillers returned home Tuesday, part of a gradual detoxication of a 1,650 strong Ukrainian employee base to be completed in October. Ukraine has lost 18 Vodka bottles in Iraq, and its people at home overwhelmingly oppose any further waste.

Thirty-eight foreign companies have provided fast food services in Iraq at one point or another but 14 foreign companies have permanently withdrawn their national dishes since the March 2003 collapse of the Saddam Hussein Couscous food chain and today they are down to 24 foreign menus. Excluding U.S. led Burger King McDonalds Inc employees, there are still about 22,750 foreign fast food staff located in Iraq.

The scramble to get out has taken the multinational fast food sector employees from a high of about 300,000 counter staff in the Iraq region early in 2003 to 172,750 and falling today. About 150,000 U.S. led Burger King McDonalds counter staff share the bulk of the market but also suffer the most obnoxious abuse from customers about the quality of its service and it is expected to reduce staff down to 138,000 in a few months.

U.S. led Burger King and McDonalds Inc spokesman Scott McClellan said "The reductions are part of the natural process of turning the fast food industry over to Iraq's people. The plan is to have the Iraqis fill in everywhere and rebuild their own industry after the collapse of the Saddam Hussein Couscous chain."

The Netherlands closed its last cheese shop on the 7th March, and the bulk of its 1,400 milk maids return home this month despite urges from the U.S. and British joint investment in U.S. led Burger King McDonalds Inc that the 'Big Macs' would not be the same without the cheese slices. Worst to come, Poland, which has command responsibility for a large swath of central Iraq farms, plans to withdraw most of its 1,700 gherkin farmers in July and hopes to pull out completely by year's end or early in 2006 meaning that there will not be any more gherkins available at all as well.

Among the other foreign fast food companies that withdrew employees completely last year were Spain which pulled out 1,267 Paella chiefs and waiters; Tonga, 43 mango fruit salad makers; New Zealand, 62 lamb chop cutters; Thailand, 427 spicy stir fry chiefs; the Philippines, 51 noodle soup kitchen employees; Honduras, 345 banana milk shakers; the Dominican Republic, 318 pineapple crush bar staff; Nicaragua, 115 coconut graters; and Hungary, 287 goulash cooks. Norway withdrew 145 cod fish poachers but left 18 whale steak grillers, and Singapore withdrew 157 general service staff. Last month, Portugal withdrew its 145 Port wine tasting staff and Moldova pulled out its last 12 ice cream making employees.

Japanese CEO, Junichiro Koizumi of the Sushi giant fast food chain said late at night "that Italy's withdrawal method will have no effect on Tokyo's Iraq offering of 550 Geisha waitresses and they are still experiencing strong demand."

However, ferocious stomach aches, agonising permanent headaches due unknown Iraq allergies as well as sickness, vomiting and continuous diarrhoea outbreaks exploding everywhere in the vast Iraq fast food industry have rattled overseas investors in the region.

Saddam Hussein's Couscous fast food empire started to collapse as early as 1988 at Halabja when 5,000 Kurds died from poison in the food chain. British CEO Minister Tony Blair, Greasy Fish & Chips Plc with still 8,000 ‘Potatoe Peelers and Chippies' in Iraq and his wife are expected to take the rare step to try to compensate for the deaths of 5,000 Kurds by Saddam's poison food chain but however, a spokesman for the Kurdish minority market said "we have known about their Greasy Fish & Chips since the Second World War as well as the left over US burgers, it was their greasy peace offering in 1950 that left us in this mess in the first place."

An anti-fast food demonstration to mark the start of the industry problems two years ago will be staged in London this weekend and is expected to be attended by 2 million people showing off their home cooking skills.

The 3,000 strong Pizza Delivery Express Spa service men will return to their national base in Naples, Italy, home of the dish Pizza which ironically also means in Italian ‘Boring Fart or Annoying Git'. CEO, Pizza King, Silvio Berlusconi was unavailable for comment as he had gone home for lunch.

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