Faced with a final Gulf Goo bill that could top $6 billion dollars, BP has declared war on Afghanistan. At a last-minute press conference held last night along the oil-soaked beaches of Barataria, BP CEO, Tony Haywood, announced that Afghanistan must immediately deed over to BP the $3 trillion dollars in mining rights that have been recently discovered in that country or face annihilation.
According to Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, President Obama was immediately awakened at 3AM with the announcement.
His response was, "Hjsl jd jkahs zzzzk, fjjfddsllllll..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
In the meantime, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, Gulf, and ExxonMobil, according to anonymous sources, are mobilizing their troops from around the world. These same sources state that these companies have stockpiled enough conventional and nonconventional weapons over the years to make North Korea weep in envy.
Afghan President Hamid Karzai, when told of this latest threat, exclaimed, "Annihilation? I thought we've already been annihilated!"