Failing in her attempt to sail around the world, sixteen year old Abby Sunderland was rescued by a ready, willing and able group of young Somali Pirates who had managed to sail several thousand miles out of their own jurisdiction just for the privilege of, "Getting a shot at a hot White Infidel Bitch."
"I knew I was in trouble after I lost my main sail," said Abby, "but when the Somali Pirates came on board, I knew things were going to be alright. They looked so hot with their AK-47s and water soaked dark skin glistening in the bright Sun. You have to understand, I was out here for days all alone with no Men in sight. It was so awesome to have some real studs come aboard."
Tragically Abby's brief celebration came to an end when United States Navy Seals unexpectedly blew each of the Somali Pirates brains out with sniper rifles from an unknown and unseen distance.
"It really pissed me off," said Abby, "those guys were really cool and I was just getting to know them. What the hell is up with our military?"