THOUSAND OAKS, CA - Teen mariner Abby Sunderland, whose attempt to become the youngest person to sail around the world was thwarted when her craft's mast broke in heavy seas in the Indian Ocean, has been rescued from her parents and is being held in protective custody at an undisclosed U.S. Coast Guard location.
Dick and Bambi Sunderland expressed surprise at the turn of events. "We really thought that Abby voluntarily wanted to try and break the record," said Bambi. "I mean, she seemed OK when we left port in San Diego, even after Dick and I jumped overboard and abandoned her near Cabo San Lucas."
Ms. Sunderland is reported to be in good health, if not spirits. "If those two assholes think I'm climbing K2 next, they can just piss off," she was quoted as saying. "I'm not falling into a cravass just to satisfy their sick need to live vicariously through their children."
Ms. Sunderland's brother, Evel Knievel Sunderland, who still is hospitalized after last month's failed attempt to jump the Sacramento River on a Vespa, could not be reached for comment.