Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 12 June 2010

image for England And The United States Tie 1-1 in World Cup Play - Queen Elizabeth Wants To Talk To Goalkeeper Robert Green #12
Queen Elizabeth II, wants to meet with English goalkeeper Robert "Butterfingers" Green after the World Cup Finals.

RUSTENBERG, South Africa - Royalistic Sand Grouse Stadium was the sight of one of the most anticipated World Cup games of the 2010 FIFA World Cup Finals.

The Three Lions from Britain were pitted against The Three Tigers from The USA. And when the South Africa dust settled and all of the 27,983 damn vuvuzelas were finally silenced both teams walked off with a 1-1 tie.

English fan Alistair Abbington, 71, who has been to the last 40 World Cup Finals was heard to have exclaimed, "friggin blimey!' His life long girlfriend Leticia Vauxhall, 66, who was rooting for The United States remarked, "blimey friggin."

And Guido "The Fist" Vanzenetti, who lives in Brooklyn, New York and has a cousin on the American squad was overheard to have said, "Hey datz justa effen bullshit. I saved olla my overtime money tua buy me a damn mother bitchin' ticket and da frackin' game ends up in a cockamamie tie."

After the game British announcer Martin Tyler turned to his co-announcer John Harkes and said, "Cor blimey, dis barmy duffer of a tie is abso-bloody-lutely not acceptable it taint it tisn't."

Harkes asked Tyler what the hell barmy and duffer meant. Tyler ignored him and said that he was simply gobsmacked at the outcome. He said that England should have won 6 to 0, or at least 5 to 0.

He then said that the British team has some stupendously popular and extremely well known players such as John Terry, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, and Joe Hart. He then caught himself and said "Well maybe not Joe Hart."

ESPN analyst Alexi Lalas had said that the U.S. would win 2-1 and Ruud Gullit said that the game would end up in a 1-1 tie.

Former English footballer Steve McManaman predicted that Great Britain would win by a score of 9 to 0. After the game when the camera panned on him, Stevie could be seen crying and trying to fix his messed up hair.

Someone told him that his hair looked like he had combed it with firecrackers.

All McManaman kept saying was, "How?...How?...How?" Alexi Lalas said that "Big Mac" as his wife calls him (ah Steve's wife not Alexi's) sounded like a depressed Comanche warrior who had just misplaced his favorite bow and arrow.

The British coach Fabio Capello, who makes $9 million a year [£6,182,550 British], said that he was proud of the way his team played, except of course for Robert Green, the goalkeeper.

He was asked if he would be assessing any discipline towards #12.

Capello asked "Who?"

"Number 12...Robert Green."

"Oh Robby. Well there is talk from some of the lads that Greeny may have to go sleep with the team from Cameroon."

Capello then smiled and said that right after the game he received a phone call from Queen Elizabeth II, herself.

The coach said that the Queen Mother had watched the game on her big screen back at the palace and she was one extremely pissed off Mother.

He said that she told him that when the finals are over she wants for Robert Green to go to Buckingham Palace and that she is going to tear Mr. "Butterfingers" Green a "new one."

Meanwhile, on a happier note. The American goalkeeper Tim Howard played absolutely fantastic. Howard was named "The Man of The Match." He also received "The Most Valuable Player Award," "The Mr. Congeniality Award," "The Most Photogenic Award," an African Safari (valued at $10,000), and a dinner date with Shakira.

In a related story. Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela, who was in attendance at the U.S. - England game said that he wants The FIFA World Cup Governing Committee to outlaw the use of those son-of-a-bitchin' vuvuzela trumpets as soon as humanly possible.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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