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Saturday, 12 June 2010

image for Religious Leaders Reveal Lady Gaga is Reincarnation of Prophet Mohammed
Pictures of Lady GaGa, like this one featuring her naked, prophetic breasts, must be destroyed

Leaders of several of the world's largest and most influential religions have revealed that all received simultaneous revelation that Lady Gaga is the reincarnation of the Moslem Prophet (and founder) Mohammed. In a joint press release issued from The Vatican, sixteen different church's leaders affirmed that God had revealed the truth of this to them.

The leaders, including the Pope, Billy Graham, the Dalai Lama, the Mormon Prophet, Pat Robertson, a group of Mullahs, a group of Hassidic Rabbis, and the Reverend Jesse Jackson, stated that they had all received independent revelation and confirmation from "the Creator, God, and Heavenly Force of the Universe" that Mohammed had been reincarnated into the body of pop singer Lady Gaga.

Moslem leaders in all of the Middle Eastern capitals also stated the the revelation was true. They said that much soul searching had gone into their accepting the "will of Allah" in this, but that they had to bend to "his divine word."

A researcher at Harvard Divinity School said that this also fulfills a prophecy made by Nostradamus, where he said:

"A Prophet leaps into Heaven
His followers follow him in fiery flashes
A woman dances with his soul inside her
Adding herbs to her body and shaking it for men"

Leaders in Cairo, Tehran, Damascus, and several other Middle Eastern capital cities are all clamoring for Lady GaGa to move to their country and become the new Caliph (even if she does have to wear a burkha).

They are also demanding that all photographs and film of the singer be immediately destroyed as it is illegal to show any picture of the Prophet.

The Moslem leaders are also demanding that any male who masturbated to naked pictures or music videos of Lady Gaga submit to the nearest Mosque for immediate removal of their penis.

Lady Gaga, whose real name is "Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta" is a 24 year old native of New York City. She has multiple tattooes and has been involved in drug and alchohol abuse. It is also estimated that she has violated 93% of all of the commandments in The Koran.

When told of her esteemed position, the singer said "my first commandment is to all you dumb shits to stop blowing people up. Next, you men have to wear the burkhas and the ladies can wear halter tops and mini skirts and flip flops."

She also requested that Turkey send her a "plane load of hash" and that a male harem be constructed for her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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