Written by Loopy Luna
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Topics: George W. Bush, Mars

Monday, 14 March 2005

image for Bush: 'Mars Has Weapons of Mass Destruction'
MARS ATTACKS! : Bush VS The Men From Mars.

President George W Bush has launched a new campaign against one of Earth's closest planets, Mars. Bush believes that men from Mars have weapons of mass destruction that have not been sanctioned or inspected by the UN. Speaking at a press conference yesterday at the Pentagon, Bush was solemn and had this to say to the people of Mars.

'We know that you are out there. And we know that you have weapons of mass destruction. It is only a matter of time. People of Mars do not let a destructive evil regime control you no more. We do not come as an enemy to you. But as an enemy to the regime that holds you down.'

Until recently scientists and astronomer's believed that there was no form of life similar to humans on the red planet. However Bush has claimed to have had several visitations from our alien neighbours. Once the evil regime that has such a strong hold over Mars kidnapped Bush and experimented on him. It has been since this traumatic experience that Bush has made a beeline for Mars and wants its weapons of mass destruction to be rooted out.

Bush's closest ally, British Prime Minister Tony Blair gave the President his full support.
Speaking from Downing Street this morning Blair confirmed his support for Bush.

'Of course Bush has my support, I am his little puppet and he pulls my strings. Bush say's jump I say how high. It's how the Anglo-American relationship has always been. Well since the Second World War at least, when we needed them to help fight the Jerry's.'

It is only a matter of time before military action is used against Mars in order to root out their weapons of mass destruction. Hans Blix left early this morning on Apollo 345 in order to attempt an inspection of Mars weapons.

No one has been able to contact Mars in order to make demands or threats. Bush however is adamant that life exists and that this life possesses weapons.

'I have seen them, and I have seen their weapons. These weapons can cause series damage on a massive scale. Laser beams are used by them, light sabres, anal probes and other hideous weapons that unfortunately our men have not even begun to fathom yet. Our invasion of Mars will be happening soon, it is a case of when, not if.'

Men from Mars beware! it seems certain that Earth knows your secrets and is coming after you. We will be victorious in our crusade. (We can say that word now it's against Mars this time)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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