Written by Jimbo123
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Saturday, 12 June 2010

image for Vuvuzela horns to be banned - South African World Cup
What is that f****** noise?!

The 'angry bee' sound of the traditional south African Vuvuzela horn is said to be driving visiting fans, players and even the referee to distraction.

One English fan said "What's wrong with these people. I can't hear myself think. Where's the cheering, boos, ref cussing and chants. We've brought along our trumpets and drums - but what's the point?"

One coach said - "Either those horns get confiscated at the gates or we'll have to give players headsets to communicate with each other."

One German fan in Dresden said - "Zay might be horns but zizz is not music. If I cloze my eyez it soundz like zee air raid - not a foootbal match. Can't zee broadcasters mute zee sound and get some 'atmosphere' from another match - maybe from zee vunderful 1990 World Cup?"

Since the crowd noise from other matches is unlikely to follow 'in play' football, Sky is developing 'DJ style' controls to add in 'ooohhhs and aaaahhhs', 'na na na England' and 'who are ya!?' to replace the horn drone.

Gabby Logan explained - "It's like canned laughter but rather than one button we've got about 20. We've even got a Sidney James style 'Phwooaar' button if there is a streaker."

Officials say that blowing continuously into the horns has a similar effect to inhaling gas and so 'added to the elation' for locals.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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