Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 11 June 2010

image for UK Declares War On USA - DJ Tells Obama To Zip The Lip, Or Else.
Oil Spill My Arse Sister Bernadette. We'll Fuck The Fuckers Right Over In The World Cup.

Brit radio DJ James Whale appeared on TV today, quite angry about Barack Obama's continual bitching about the BP oil spill, criticising the President for making Britain look bad and embracing blame culture.

Many observers agreed.

Hugo Swizzlestick, of Epping Forest told our reporter:

"It's all well and good for some African/Hawaiian to start gobbing off about kicking ass. But what is ass? Is it a donkey type thing? Or is it an arse? We Brits have nothing to fear from a chap who minces his words and mixes his metaphors. And just to prove it, we'll shaft the buggers in the World Cup."

Our sports correspondent, Mickey McWhack, a former Kopite until he kept getting arrested, told us:

"Typical bloody Yanks. They won't let it lie about Yorktown and the war of independence. Well, let me tell yer this, Sir, England play America tomorrow, and if you think we're a soft touch because of our 'special relationship' you'd better think again. If you think a drop of oil on your beaches is bad, just wait till we kick your fans to shit all up and down the terraces in Rustenburg. And if yer think you bother us - come and have a go if you think you're hard enough. It's not 1776 any more ya dumb shite."

Responding to the blossoming row, PM Do Nothing Dave said:

"Let's be perfectly clear on this. The BP rig was erected under American regulations, and now Obama is crying like a baby in a strop. As are most of our colonial cousins. BP are paying for this shit, not the US taxpayer. We'll sort them out in the World Cup. The proper World Cup, not like those inbred steroid fuelled festivals they call the 'World' Series, or the 'World' Champion Superbowl game. World my arse! America they mean. And it's not the effing 'World' despite what they'd have us all believe. Any more from that Chicago shyster and I'll set William Hague on him. When he's had a few pints. That'll sort it."

Silvio Berlusconi refused to take sides in the row until he could establish who's winning. French President Sarkozy remained noncommittal, unless the Germans invade again.

Fox News just blamed Arthur Scargill for everything.

Osama Bin laden was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman for Al Qaeda said he'd be cheering for England in the World Cup game and promised to send a tape to Al Jazeera.

Colonel Juan remains firmly committed to Wayne Rooney.

Skoob1999 hasn't got a fucking clue.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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