China's quest for super-power status seems to have taken a bizarre turn with the PLAN repeatedly trying to torpedo Chinese oil rigs to get a good Oil spill going in the last two weeks. "Chinese submarines were spotted off the coast of Hong Kong targetting two giant off shore rigs with SLBMS, depth chargers and standard torpedoes," alleged a man claiming to be Dirk Benedict, actor of the '80s and critic of all hit shows made in 2005. "It looks like all the attention the US is gaining through the Deepwater Horizon rig explosion has unsettled the People's Republic of China. China wants some of the attention back."
For many years now China has recognized that its aim to be a global superpower is tied to its technological progress.The Chinese leadership has invested heavily in various fields of scientific research, cell genetics and other cool toys like Nerf. But now there are signs its leadership is beginning to lose the plot and perhaps reading the wrong scripts, even. China's mindless aping of the West must stop. This fiasco with the submarines was only the latest mis-step in a long line of dumb things to rip off. Starting with China's quest for its own Vietnam War between the North Pole and the South Pole, an indigenous version of Oprah in the panda Ling Ling, lending nuclear weapons to other countries like Pakistan to fondle, Hu Jintao's attempt at being his own "father and son" to mimic the presidencies of George Bush Sr and Jr single-handedly just to name a few.
The real problems started happening after Obama came to power. He got so much press. China's not sure what to do about it. Now there's this huge environmental catastrophe with the newsworthy Obama screwing it up trying to find someone's ass to kick for lack of anything better to do. The Chinese politburo doesn't want to promote a racial stereotype by having the politburo members do kung fu on Multi-National Corporations, but they do need to prove that as a great power China's negligence can cause problems for the global environment too. If China does succeed in causing its own environmental crisis, it will be the second nation after the United States to do so this year. The erstwhile Soviet Union had Chernobyl and Russia is reportedly exploring its options of renewing unreliable nuclear plants.
Some experts are, as always, worried that India will try to mindlessly ape China and create indigenous havoc on its soil a decade or two later, but neutral observers point out that this is one field where even modern India is ahead of everyone else. "Ancient India was ahead of... Oh, wait you already implied that. Yes, thanks to the Bhopal Gas Tragedy even post-colonial India is #1 in environmental disasters. Yay, we're number one," said a man with crazy hair who some accused to be the Indian Environment Minister.
BP's reportedly hiring in China and has put representatives on the xia class submarines currently firing torpedoes at the oil rig. In the unlikely event that China fails to blow up its own rig, it maintains a second screw-up ability by blowing up the Three Gorges Dam. THe world is suddenly a more dangerous place.