Written by Morse
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Topics: Australia, frogs

Sunday, 6 June 2010

image for Australia Inundated with Frogs Now Proposes 'final solution' to Terminate "noxious' Toads!
Australia: Land of Epicurean Delight If One Enjoys Sauteed Frog's Legs!

Following closely on the heels of a mass frog migration from Greece, where the creatures were sapping the nation's economy due to generous benefits and in general 'making a pest of themselves,' a new 'Frog Problem' has emerged in Australia.

Originally introduced to the huge continent in 1935 to handle a rampant snail problem, the Cane Frogs, those ready for retirement from their former country of origin, swarmed ashore from Sidney, to Melbourne, to Darwin, and due to their penchant for sexual activity even in their advanced age, swelled their ranks to an estimated 92 million.

While snails continue to proliferate, mainly due to domestic snail farms that have sprung up all over the country, other problems of a horrific nature emerged.

Green grocers were unable to keep up with demand for garlic and the production of butter, so fierce were the Frog's appetite for the gastrically pleasing slugs which made up most of their diet.

Over the years, despite condemnation from the UN and the EU, radical measures have been instituted such as 'The Great Toad Muster" organized by communities to hunt down and eradicate as many of the interlopers as possible.

Said Paddy McSkiffle an ex-con from Manchester sentenced to a life in exile in Australia after he refused to properly sort his dust bins, "I thought it was bad back home after the channel tunnel was completed, but it can't compare to the number of Frogs that come here on holiday and try to dictate our way of life! Even now they're trying to get our local pubs banned and replaced with wine bars! Good God, Man, who's bloody country is it anyway?"

Darwin, in the northern territories, has instituted a "Frog Watch' and launched a massive tourist marketing plan to encourage tourists to take part in
Frog Safaris dedicated to mashing as many Frogs as possible.

So far the campaign has been successful with thousands of Africans pouring in to take part in the campaign and hundreds of side walk take aways have sprung up offering sauteed frog legs, curry with mango chutney sauce and thick sweet tea.

To date over 105M tourists from third world countries have poured in to take part in 'the final solution' and many Frog Watchers have noticed the difference.

Said Paddy, "Before, the Bastards came out in the daylight, now you have to go out at night with a flashlight and have a few snails tethered out for bait. They're definitely getting harder to catch.... crafty buggers!"

One long time resident of Australia, Fergus 'Crusty' O'Malley wasn't so sure about the new policy. "I'm glad to see the Frogs disappearing, Bastards! But now we've got all these travelers here who won't want to leave, and when the Frogs run out we'll have to feed 'em. Are we going to have to start in on the Roos then, Eh? If I wanted to live like this surrounded by strangers I would have stayed put then, wouldn't I, Eh? "

Australians are now waiting for a report from a covey of Ministers from the EU Human Rights Commission after they complete their study of alleged abuses and submit it to the current standing government along with proposed sanctions which may include reparations for Greece, Portugal and Spain.

Martha Stewart just published her new cook book, "Kooking with Kangaroos On the Barbie" which is said to be 'doing well" in Sydney, but only 'lukewarm' in the Outback.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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