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Tuesday, 8 March 2005

image for Italian Agent Shot At US Military Checkpoint - Berlusconi Apologizes To Bush.
Italian Premier Humbly Apologizes To President Bush Over The Mistake!

ROME -- In a dramatic turn around in the political world, CNN reports from Rome that Italian Premier Berlusconi has publically apologized to President Bush for the Italian Secret Service Operation that ended tragically at the US controlled military check point in Iraq.

It turns out that whilst the Italian Secret Service and Intelligence had informed all the major sponsors of the Italian Political Parties including the ‘Ndrangheta, the Camorra and the Mafia as well as the Forza Italia head office. Unfortunately, the letter containing details of the top secret operation intended for the CIA had got lost in the Italian Postal System. This, one in a million chance resulted in the devastating end to the Italian Secret Service and Intelligence Operation. The Italian postal service is normally considered the envy of the world for its next day delivery service although the North American UPS is close with its reliability record.

Italian Premier Berlusconi explained humbly to President Bush that if it had not been for this freak possibility, the US forces would have weeks of advance notice of the Italian Secret Service dealings with terrorist kidnappers and extremists and the terms and conditions for the release of Italian hostages. Italian Premier Berlusconi went further to explain that dramatic measures were already underway to close even this tiny hole in the Italian postal system.

Italy has normally been considered the European leader for the transparency of its political processes, banking system and a haven of security for holding peaceful G8 summits such as one at Genoa, 2001 where the unbelievable restraint of the police security resulted in only 4,543 hospitalizations of peaceful protestors with very minor injuries ranging from broken limbs to the total loss of their front teeth. The police security avoided any serious injuries by each officer using a 1 metre steel rod covered in a thin layer of soft rubber to gently move the peaceful protestors into safer areas.

In order to avoid the remotest possibility of any more security communication confusion, all details of the Italian Secret Service and Intelligence Operations will be published daily in a new broadsheet newspaper from the merger of Il Manifesto (slightly left of centre) and Il Secolo di Italia (slightly right of centre). The new newspaper will be called Il Manifesto del Secolo di Italia -literally meaning ‘The manifestation of the century of Italy'. The independence of this publication will be ensured by Italian Premier Berlusconi appointing the editorial team.

In unrelated news, CNN reports that a second bomb has exploded last night in Rome, Italy, this time outside the headquarters of a right wing fractional political party. Elsewhere in Italy, La Gazzetta del Mezzogiorno, Naples, reported that 2004 was a record year for low crime in Naples with only 3,267 fatal street shootings.

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