Written by Morse
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Thursday, 3 June 2010

Joran van der Sloot was apprehended in Chile today after a world wide Interpol alert was issued concerning the death of a 21 year old Peruvian woman found dead in a motel room with a broken neck shortly after she was seen with the Dutch Sociopath.

Macho man Joran now claims he couldn't have had anything to do with the disappearance in Aruba of Natalee Holloway, or the latest victim in Peru, because he's gay!

Van der Sloot was arrested in Santiago in the back room of a seedy gentleman's club where he was in the middle of a lap dance that he had paid for with rapidly declining Euros which he frantically tried to stuff down the G-string of the female 'entertainer' when he caught sight of approaching armed police.

Van der Sloot refused to comment at the time of his arrest, saying only, "Get me my attorney, Greta, she'll get me out of this shit hole. Bastardos!"

Van der Sloot has been enjoying his notoriety since Natalee was found missing and presumed dead, appearing on national TV and several tabloids where he beamed with new found recognition. Apparently, since the death of his father, under mysterious circumstances, Joran has come into some money enabling to become quite the globe trotting bon vivant, and he was in Peru for a poker tournament where the entry fee was 5,000 Euros...ooops...make that 5,250 Euros...damned exchange rate keeps fluctuating!

According to Fox News, as reported earlier in The Spoof, talk show barrister Greta Van Susterern, who had intimate contact last year with Joran, calling him 'adorable in a kinky like way' is already on the ground in Chile and heading for jail to interview 'her client.'

Greta is already facing a challenge from CNN who says Larry King has 'first dibs' on Joran, due to an alleged sexual encounter between the newly 'out of the closet' van der Sloot, and the alleged Satyr of the Geriatric Set, Late Night Serial Bonker, Larry King.

According to jail attendants van der Sloot demanded a full body cavity search, at least twice, in an attempt to promote his new image of not being interested in young impressionable girls. At least three burly guards were summoned when van der Sloot squeezed his cheeks together and refused to release the probing finger of the jail physician.

Officials from Interpol have been hot on the trail of additional unexplained murders or disappearances occurring for the last 4 years on May 30, the date of Holloway's disappearance. Last year van der Sloot's father died on May 30 after eating from a box of chocolates delivered to his office from 'a friend.'

Cause of death was listed as 'diabetic coma', but officials in Aruba have now said they will exhume the body and check for Arsenic poisoning after medical attendants said the senior van der Sloot smelled like "a bowl of almonds."

Since van der Sloot's arrest, 5,250 young females have proposed marriage on his social networking page causing the site to shut down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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