Written by C. Cranium
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Topics: Theft, drunk, Parrot

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

image for Drunken Parrots Rob Convenience Store
Cheers, I'm a drunk Parrot.

Palmerston, Australia. Thousands of parrots live in and around this northern Australian town with a tropical climate. Occasionally a parrot will drop from a tree, after eating fruit that has fermented, and spout whatever they have heard humans say. Hello, pretty bird, and shoo are common things to hear the drunken parrots say.

This week it seemed as if all the local parrots were falling from the sky and the town was strewn with the babbling birds. Veterinarians are perplexed but treating the falling parrots as best they can. Some birds can fly off after a rest and a drink of coffee. Other birds do not recover immediately and have the shakes and loss of all coordination until they sleep it off. Some birds can still fly, although erratically, and the birds in the air and treetops are making more than the usual racket. Occasionally a human-like voice will blurt out something; "not now", "where is the remote?", "ass hole", "G'Day", "piece of piss", and others.

On the outskirts of town a flock of the drunken birds flew into a convenience store and the attendant attempted to shoo them away. Suddenly the words 'this is a stickup' and 'hands up' were uttered and the terrified attendant, believing there was a human in the store, did as he was told. As he emptied the register and hid behind the front counter the attendant could hear a flurry over by the snack isle. Peeking around the counter the attendant gasped as he saw at least a dozen Parrots flying out the open door with sunflower seeds, nuts, and gummy bears.

Police are not pursuing the perpetrators as there is no law against a self willed Parrot from stealing. They have issued a public request that they be notified if under a tree somewhere suddenly has a garbage pile of seed and nut wrappers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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