Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Fashion, Kim Jong-Il

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

image for Kim Jong Il Hires Fashion Consultant to Spruce Up Image
Trading brown shoes for black suede loafers, Jong Il is now in fashion.

Known for a forehead seventeen times the width of his mouth and oversized glasses that went out of style in the 70's, Kim Jong Il has hired a famed Hollywood fashion consultant to help refresh the leader's public image.

German born wunderkind of the Hollywood fashion scene since the 80's, Helmut Tunelrodd was the originator of the Bauhaus movement for hair and fashion design and is now Kim Jong Il's personal dresser. "Piquant but feckless", Tunelrodd commented to the press before boarding his flight. "The man looks like a misshapen boy with a skunk on his head, trapped in an olive green carpet roll. I'm sure I can fix him".

Unseen in public since the makeover announcement, Jong Il remained a recluse while Tunelrodd, assumedly worked his fashion and hair magic. This morning, the puny dictator made his first appearance in an outfit resembling one worn by Dieter from Saturday Night Live's "Sprockets" sketch, and disheveled hair reminiscent of a drunken Colin Farrell.

"I don't know", says Tunelrodd, "the look to me says classic authoritarian, but with a hint of bad-boy playfulness. The black makes him look thinner and the hair says, I like to party". Kim Jong Il's look was completed with a pair of John Lennon rose colored glasses and a black leather riding crop tucked neatly under his left arm. "Complete with a black retro Tag Heuer wristwatch, and this global leader is ready to dish out justice. Ooh, what a stud", says Tunelrodd. "I'd be his beotch now".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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