British Petroleum has said that their best possible solution to plugging their oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico may be Rosie O'Donnell's ass. Research has revealed that the former stand up comic/talk show host/actress may just have "the right stuff" to stop the spill.
Julius Whitewine-Smythe, spokesman for BP, said that "Rosie is perfect. Her great, big, giant, jiggly butt will slide right down the hole with little problem. As we send cheeseburgers, pizza, and twinkies down through a feeding tube, it will continue to expand and plug up all the holes (no pun intended). We'll end up with a giant crack plugging a hole (pun intended)."
When ask if Rosie was willing to sacrifice herself for this, she said "They've promised to send me free, all you can eat buffet for life, and I get all the lubrication down there I want without having to pay for it. What's not to like?"
If Rosie's butt doesn't fix the problem, Oprah's mouth is the next idea on the drawing board.