North Korea have embarked on a baffling and astonishing effort to snub the international community by giving out portable nuclear weapons to school children throughout the country.
In efforts which are described to be akin to the "One Laptop Per Child" programme and the UK's "Child Trust Fund", this proliferation of arms is said to be part of Kim Il-Sung's wish to leave behind a legacy he "...can be proud of - truly caring for the children".
The international community has announced immediate retaliation will occur. Philip Biskit, the U.N.'s spokesperson for Dealing with Angry People said:
"Oh, we'll definitely sit around a table and talk about it for a bit. Then we'll probably get a bit shouty before eventually realising that only children shout - adults *talk*. So we'll carry on talking. We might try to make a phone call to the North Koreans but I always get the country code wrong and end up speaking to someone in The Belize... I'm not sure what I do wrong."
Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is said to be livid with envy at the manner and ease of producing and distributing these weapons of terror. A spokeperson for him would no doubt say:
"Bah! These people with their 'nucular weapons'. All weapons will be like the tins of biscuits compared to what our mighty... er... nuclear power station will be."