Bono, also known as The Crow, or the prick with sunglasses has had to pull U2 for performing at Glastonbury's 150th anniversary for fears that the Irish rock band might be attacked by disgruntled fans. The band that has been releasing top ten shits since the '80's, came to their senses after listening to their 134th 'Best of' album.
Adam Clayton told the NOWT 'I just can't believe it, I was listening to one of our tracks, and I couldn't believe what I heard. We're shit!'. The news comes as a shock to the nation, after 98% of the public thinking that they would never notice, and that they would coast in the charts riding on Bono's ego and infatuated love for African children, similar to the other Irish prick who has been eating off 'I hate Mondays' for the last 30 years, Bob Gandalf and his hobbit friends.
Now the band have realised that they have been selling 'dodgy' music through the last three decades they have simply cancelled all of their tours and gigs, including a South American tour later this summer. Bono is said to be 'heartbroken' by the news, as he was really looking forward to getting nose deep in a bag of Columbia's finest, but understands that he should stay in whichever sh*thole he came from.
Over the last week, stories have flooded the press regarding their cancellations, stating that it was Bono's bad back that was the cause, but after a private investigator looked them up on Wikipedia, it is reported that it is because they are all in their early fifties that they have back problems, this isn't helped by Bono spending most his weeks away in cramped mud huts with dying children.
Michael Eavis, founder of Glastonbury is said to be delighted by the news, he said 'Thank fuck. Those twats have been getting on my tits for years. With luck we'll have Disney Rascal filling their boots, I love Disney, he's Bonkers.