PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korean leader Kim Yong Il, he of the most famous hairdo since the two "Don's" Don King and Donald Trump, has issued a strict warning to North Korea's little sister South Korea.
Kim Yong Il said that he is tired of hearing on the BBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, and CNN that South Korea is nice and South Korea is cute, and that North Korea ain't shit, and North Korea sucks.
He said that the only news agency that sides with him is the Fox Network, because like it says (tongue in cheek) it is fair and balanced.
What the North Korean leader failed to state is that 27% of Fox is owned by Kim Yong Il's great uncle Kimpy Yong Il. He also failed to mention that two of the leading advertisers on Fox are North Korean companies, Chung Chin Ching makers of 3C Chopsticks and Ding Dong King the biggest producers of rice pudding in the world.
Another tie that North Korea has with Fox is that Fox totally funds Wonsan's educational establishment of higher learning Duck Fu U, which has graduated more oriental food cooks than any other institute of higher learning in the entire world, including Arizona and Alaska.
The North Korean leader has repeatedly told the South Korean leader Lee Myung-Bak that his nation accidentally sank the South Korean warship the SKS Fortune Cookie.
He added that the commander of the North Korean destroyer, Capt. Chim Chim Chump, assured him that he thought that the Fortune Cookie was illegally fishing for tuna fish, which is against the North Korean rules of tuna fishing, and is clearly noted in their tuna fishing statue 17-TF.
Kim Jong Il has said that his army is the fourth largest in the world whereas South Korea's is not even ranked in the top 20.
He then pointed out that a war between North Korea and South Korea would be like his favorite American baseball team, the New York Yankees playing Brooklyn's Hugh Hefner Middle School.
In other news. Former Vice-President Dick Cheney is still missing and no one, not even his family gives a damn.