Written by Mike Monpas
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Saturday, 22 May 2010

image for North Korea Will Not Apologize, but Agrees to Use Lube

United States and South Korean officials recently ended a three-month investigation into the sinking of a South Korean Naval vessel and came to the conclusion that a North Korean torpedo was to blame for the incident which killed eighty nine South Korean sailors.

At first North Korea adamantly denied any wrongdoing or knowledge of the torpedo attack. However after receiving a stern letter of reprimand from United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, North Korea has agreed to not agree yet has also agreed to one condition recommended in the letter.

Appearing triumphant in her press conference, Hillary Clinton stated, "We have achieved a real breakthrough with our North Korean friends. Although they will not apologize or state that they will never torpedo another South Korean ship again, they have agreed to the main recommendation in my letter which was to use lubrication next time they try to stick a torpedo up the rear end of one of our ships. We of the Western world should take this as tremendous progress in our negotiations. As part of the agreement, on behalf of the United States Government, I have also agreed to the purchase of one hundred million North Korean Fortune Cookies at one dollar each."

It is being reported on the AP News Wire that North Korean Fortune Cookies contain many unique phrases, many of which have been coined by Kim Jung Ill himself; known in North Korea as, "The Greatest Man to have ever Lived," and, "Knower of All Things."

American patrons of Chinese and Korean restaurants can now look forward to such up lifting phrases in their cookies as, "Faaah u geeeee eye," and "u die now."

The revenues generated from the North Korean sale of its fortune cookies are expected to lift the country from its poverty stricken woes into a new bright and peaceful future.

"I have found Kim Jung Ill to be a brilliant man," added Mrs. Clinton. When asked how she was able to get such a hard line communist dictator to come to any sort of agreement with the West, she stated, "Getting Kim to agree to use lube next time wasn't easy, but it had to be done. Let's just leave it at that. That little guy is a lot bigger than he looks."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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