Written by Chief Cheese
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Topics: Europe, eyes

Monday, 21 February 2005

image for "Old" Europe dares Bush to visit
The Bushes prepare to be insulted by the French

Brusells (Spoof International News Syndicate)-President Bush arrived in Brussels today amidst a chorus of boos, raspberries, catcalls and rolling eyes. No European leaders had gathered to greet him though; it was simply baggage handlers unloading bags from Air Force One. The Pilots soon realized their mistake, and then the Bush entourage was driven off to Paris.

The French Press last week impatiently asked the President of France, Mr. Jacques Chirac, about the Bush's visit.

"You cannot imagine how rude the French people will be to Mr. and Mrs. Bush," said Chirac. "All of the menus will be in French…and all the waitstaff will continue to speak French, no matter how hard Laura Bush tries. The last time she came here she kept saying ‘Pueda tengo por favor un vidrio de vino'. The waitstaff kept saying ‘Ceci est la France, madame ! France !' but it just didn't work."

The staff at the Louvre, who have only recently agreed to allow their ancient museum to be defiled by the filming of the Tom Hanks-ized ‘The Da-Vinci Code' have been working overtime to make the Bush's planned visit as unsuccessful as possible. "The Mona Lisa will not be on display-it needs a cleaning. The Bush family has come at the wrong time. Can't they see we are busy? Tell them to come some other time!" said the Louvre Curator, Arnold de la Fitte Cuvee. "We are on vacation. Closed!"

Another popular Paris activity will, alas, be unavailable to the Bush family. The Bateaux Parisian (popular boat ride up the Seine) will be closed for maintenance. "We have barnacles. We must clean them. All of them. We do it by hand. No tools. And besides," went the Bateaux Parisian Chief of Maintenance Claude Feces, "the Seine is dirty now too. Smelly. Comme un derrière du chien."

Probably the most unfortunate circumstance for the Bush family, though, is the recently erected scaffolding that now totally surrounds the Eiffel tower. "The tower is over 100 years old and it needed to be painted. Can I help it that the Bush is coming now?" said the Chief Engineer of the Eiffel Tower, Gustav Souffle d'ail. "We must paint now. The weather is better. Réchauffement de l'atmosphère, Monsieur."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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