Pope Benedict XVI has announced plans for a final solution in his bid to purify the Church. In a radical move, the Pope plans to gas all members of the clergy who are found guilty of being paedophiles.
"Zis ist der final solution, ja? But it worked once before for mein Fuhrer und it can work again. I still have all the protective equipment and I am sure we can afford some Zyclon B. I kind of miss ze old days anyway. A few beers, a sing song und den a spot of cleansing. I think the Church should embrace such a policy."
Paedophiles are said to be outraged at being made scapegoats for what they see as the failings of the Catholic Church. One, only identified as Father X, said "If I'm so bad why did the Church put me in a community with lots of children? Why did I have access to altar boys? Why could I wander school corridors freely, when the Church knew all about my sexual habits? Now the Pope wants to purify the Church. Good luck. Start at the top, Herr Gruppenfuhrer."
Catholics have complained recently that confessional boxes have become heavily oversubscribed as Priests and Bishops seek to repent before they can face any formal punishment. As Jesus said "Happy is the man, who says sorry early enough to escape legal action."