Written by rfreed
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Monday, 10 May 2010

image for Iceland Invokes Thor's Help To Hammer Europe
The wrath of Odin stirs!!!!

Iceland, hammered by massive financial debts to Europe and Britain in particular, has come up with a hammer of its own to strike back with.

Returning to its traditional religious roots and the old gods of the Norsemen the Icelanders have invoked their wrath to aid them in their revenge on an unforgiving European economic situation that spells doom for them.

Odin, head man of the fierce Gods of the Vikings, called forth his son Thor and his magical hammer Mjollnir (pronounced 'ham-mer') to strike the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull (pronounced 'ice-land-ic vol-cano') causing it to erupt and bury Europe in ash. The ash shut down air traffic on the continent and most of the rest of Europe for weeks, costing airlines and governments billions in lost revenue.

Eyjafjallajokull and the Norse gods show no sign of relenting. Odin and his men subscribe to the Viking philosophy of fighting to the death and therefore have no intent on relenting until the European Union (or the 'Union of Earth Eunuchs' as Odin and the boys derisively call them when they're tanked up on a few pints of grog) agrees to their demands.

These demands include:

A. A weekly shipload delivery of German Doppelbock beer, Doppelbock having twice the alcohol kick of regular beer which the Norse gods and hearty Icelanders need to get them off.

B. A regular shipment of St. Pauli girls for the same reason. (St. Pauli is the red light district of Hamburg.) A lot of Icelandic farmers have only sheep to keep them company and if you ever saw what Norse goddesses look like you would have sympathy for Thor and the big boys and would understand why they died out.

C. Free two week timeshares in Costa del Sol the first week of every February. Even Valhalla gets cold in the winter.

D. 300,000 copies of Mr. Bean's Greatest Hits for everyone on the island and in Valhalla. Even in Icelandic he's funny. It might help them forget that the British wanted to put thumbscrews on them over the bad investments they made in Iceland.

E. 300,000 Swedish pornos. It can only be SWEDISH pornos, no other. Blonds are the only thing that can get them off. And, yes, they do know that their kids shouldn't be seeing these things, but they want them trained to only go after their own kind.

Should Europe not meet these demands, Odin has declared things could get worse. "Ever hear of the Norwegian word 'Tsunami'?" he asked in a thick, Scandinavian accent.

Greek authorities, inspired by the Icelandic example, are checking into revitalizing Zeus for
similar reasons.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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