Written by Kenneth Manboobs
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Topics: Iran, nuclear

Thursday, 10 February 2005

image for US Sends Special Envoy to Defuse Iranian Situation

Tehran - In an effort to resolve what has become a very hot international diplomacy issue, the United States extended an olive branch to "rogue nation" and burgeoning nuclear power Iran.

The usual delegation includes a Secretary of State, or high level cabinet officer well schooled in local diplomacy, however the hawks in the Bush administration have decided against such conventional methods.

"We felt that many of the key players here in Washington were too close to the situation," stated a top official in the White House. "This round of talks needed the light touch of an intermediary, an arbiter if you will." This mindset has resulted in the administration securing the services of the problem solving firm, Mystery Inc.

Mystery Inc spokesperson Velma Dinkley said that her team did not have much experience in the Middle East, but that they are happy to be on the case. "Jinkies, we've tackled some big cases in the past, but this one is sure to be different." Dinkley went on to talk about Mystery Inc's strategy in negotiating the retardation of the quickly advancing nuclear program in Iran. "I'm sure Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini will be a tough nut to crack, but you've got to remember that Mystery Inc has taken down the likes of Don Rickles, Don Knotts, and the Harlem Globe Totters."

Many skeptics believe that the President is sending the wrong message, one of complacency, at the wrong time. Not so says Vice President Dick Cheney who questioned the validity of the Iranian nuke program. "We're confident the delegates from Mystery Inc will be able to be effective mediators. And if we are wrong, so what? Personally I think that the Iranian leadership is just using this entire ‘nuke program' stuff just to impress their girlfriend - Syria."

These statements marked the first time a high level Administration official had publicly called Iran's bluff on the nuclear program. No definitive answer has been reached at this point due to the unwillingness of the Iranian government to let UN inspectors in to the country.

"Nukes or no nukes Mystery Inc will get the job done," Dinkley assured the press corps. "We'll work through this problem with our usual formula of Fred's determination, my book smarts, and dumb luck from Scooby and Shaggy." Group member Norville Rogers AKA Shaggy did intimate that there may be some problems if the group were not allowed to bring their usual assortment of paraphernalia into the strict theocracy. "Like, Zoinks man, I just hope we can bring in the Scooby snacks, when me and Scoob get the munchies they're the perfect thing. In fact man, I'm pretty hungry now."

At this time there is no official word from the White House on when the talks will take place, or if Scrappy Doo will be included in the envoy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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