Written by Lance.D.Boyle
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Topics: Religion

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

image for There's a new religion in town

A new religion has arisen in Europe,according to theologian Dr Ibeleefin Anyfinn and it threatens the big two Dogmas in town,and they are not happy!

The new religion called "Ireckonism" was originally formed in Australia.

Worshipers of Ireckonism or Ireckons as they prefer to be called,believe that the world is 7000 years old, that's just a bit older than the the Christians.

The religion revolves around a book found in Stan Dupp's garage during a garage sale.

The book had an oil stain on it that may have looked like someone from 7000 years ago, mostly written in crayon and quite illegible but with colorful sketches it was translated by Stan's next door neighbor Rodd a retired brickies laborer and he has deemed it authentic.

The cream colored book has pages with series of blue lines on which the crayon writings are scratched.The writings are what the group base their religion on.

University Professors agree that it has no lesser value than the script in other faith based writings.

Pope Ratzinurberger said "This is a complete fraud,and there is no more room for this type of scam the gig is up! Besides we were here first!" Whereupon Mufti Abba Dabbadoo stood up shouting his mob were first! This turned into a nasty scuffle with a lot of unpleasant name calling,and the two threatened each other with what God and Allah is going to do about this! (Personally I think the scene pushed a lot more followers to Ireckonism.)

The book of Ireckon seems to call for the adulation of a presumably female priestess named 'Mymummy" or sometimes referred to as just 'mummummumm'

There are crude drawings of the sun in a sky, clouds and three legged animals that are as large as a dwelling, and what look like cave style drawings of figures joined at the arms it would seem the people of the time had lots of wild curly hair, though it would seem they all smiled a lot.

It too actually has similarities to other popular dogmas in that it allows for some large terrestrial animals,large flying creatures can be seen near the large three legged animals and would by proportion be as large as pterodactyls.

Mymummy crops up throughout the edition and there are calls to "Love Mymummy"there are other players like' Mydaddy' and 'Jeffery' who plays a minor part.

And it seems the authors name was Amanda 1k.

Stan and Rodd also claim to have found a piece of pie crust (still in the foil) that resembles the oil stain on the front of the book.There is to be an Auction on E-Bay next week they reckon they can make a quid. Stan or 'His Holiness Stanley 1st' as he is now called and 'Rodd the Archbishop of Allawah' Have a following of six in the local parish,including Mrs Standthorpe who is a colorful local identity and bag lady/pigeon feeder.

The religion has caught on in Europe because it actually claims that you can love someone (mymummy in this case)without having to harm yourself or anyone else,you do not have to give all of your possessions to H.H Stanley 1st or Archbishop Rodd. H.H Stanley 1st has imposed some dress requirements, Thongs H.H.Stanley 1st has proclaimed all followers should wear thongs at sometime.

You don't need to feel guilt or shame for being a member of the human race,and you don't have to walk around in silly body bag like attire if you are female,or blow your self up to get a virgin.

The other advantage of Ireckonism is that H.H Stanley 1st has decreed that everyone should enjoy a virgin before they die,he is said to be adamant that the virgin must be at least 21 yrs old and the biggest issue is actually finding one! The last statement had the Vatican laughing and a spokesperson claimed "God we've already got to them by the time they are eight"

Pope Ratzinurberger later extrapolated "The spokesperson meant religiously...we have them religiously..in our fold."

Let's see what happens next!

And may you love your mummy!

Lance D Boyle

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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