Written by Mike Roberts
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Sunday, 2 May 2010

image for Fundamentalist Mormons support Malawian polygamy ban
Hot African chicks can 'share the load' with household chores

Plans by the Malawian government, seeking to ban polygamous marriages in the country, has unexpectedly received support from a group of Fundamentalist Mormons in Hilldale, Utah.

The support is surprising because the cult actively supports polygamy amongst its own members, a practice which is banned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, from whom the group originally split, and is illegal in all American states.

Our reporter asked a senior spokesman for the group to explain why they would want to support the banning of an activity that is central to their belief system.

"It's quite simple really. If the ban is put in place, we are hoping we can offer 'refuge' to some hot African chicks wanting to escape the oppression of a monogamous marriage."

"Why would a monogamous marriage be oppressive?" our reporter inquired.

"Just think about it. They'd have to do all the washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, raising the children AND satisfying the various needs of their husbands all on their own. With other women around, their lives would just be so much easier."

When put like that, it is difficult to dismiss the logic behind the thinking. Another burning question though was why exactly the fundamentalists would want even more women when they already had what most men would consider 'more than enough to go round'?

"Many men would think we're lucky having 'access' to so many women. The reality is that life can get pretty hard. True, the limitless opportunities for sex are great but think about all the bitching and complaining that goes on.

Having women around who can't speak English will completely eliminate the age-old 'answering back' problem and who exactly are they going to complain to?

Then there are the potential cost savings. For instance, with American wives, it's completely impractical to have less than two, or preferably three, bathrooms. Each one overflowing with enough 'natural extracts' to keep third world fruit growers in business for years to come.

The African girls on the other hand will be happy with a hose and a bar of cheap soap in the back garden!"

The final issue we raised was the difference in religious beliefs? It seems inevitable that there will be a conflict between the Muslim beliefs of the women and the beliefs of the Mormon Fundamentalists?

"We've already thought of that." said the spokesman. "You said it yourself, they're coming from mud huts in a traditionally Muslim part of the country. The chances they can even read and write, let alone read and write in English, are minimal. They'll just think we worship Allah in a different way here."

It would seem that the Fundamentalists have covered all bases but it remains to be seen if their plans will be as successful in practice as they seem in theory.

Only time will tell!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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