Washington DC - President Obama is furious, and soon there will be hell to pay. The president is placing 100% of the blame for the horrendous Gulf of Mexico oil spill on both the British government and the British people. Early this morning, President Obama ordered all US nuclear weapons to target British cities.
The ongoing oil spill is threatening all marine life in the Gulf of Mexico, and it could be enough to derail the US economy, as well. The Obama administration has evidence the oil spill was deliberately caused by the British. The Brits wanted revenge for losing the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812.
"I have informed Prime Minister Brown that the United States will drop one nuclear bomb on one British city, every single hour until they stop the oil spill." said Mr. Obama in an early morning address to the nation. The president's lips turned blue with rage as he spoke to the TV cameras.
"You people in Britain have caused the worst oil spill in history, and you people will pay!" shouted Mr. Obama. "You have killed millions of fish and birds, and you have destroyed our Gulf of Mexico coastline. But worst of all, you have made me miss my Saturday morning golf game!" spat the angry, blue-lipped freak.
Mass panic is being reported in Great Britain. Birmingham, Liverpool and Aberdeen have already gone up in smoke, and a similar fate awaits London.
"Don't f*ck with me, and make me miss my golf game again." stated a slightly calmer President Obama. "I'm a lot tougher than I look."