Written by Jerry Cornelium
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Topics: Iraq, Women

Tuesday, 8 February 2005

image for Snubbed Top Brass Demotes Iraq Mud Wrestlers
One snubbed XO -- and an E-2 becomes and E-0

CAMP BUCCA, IRAQ --- After their harrowing tour of duty in Iraq, only days away from going home, the men and women of Camp Bucca, Iraq, felt like blowing off a little steam. Now, the Guard unit stands shamed, and the soldiers have mud on their faces. On top of that, 19 year-old Private Second Class Deanna Allen, has been busted down three pay grades: to E-0, Test Subject. Just because the soldiers at Camp Bucca neglected to invite their Commanding and Executive Officers.

Soldiers, who wished to remain unnamed, said that after a considerable amount of alcohol had been consumed, some of the enlisted men and women staged an impromptu mud wrestling contest.

"It all happened so fast, we didn't really have time to invite the brass," one soldier said. "But because respect and courtesy are part of the Armed Forces values, one of the fellas decided to take some digital pics and email them to the Colonel."

Another soldier expressed disbelief at the harsh action taken by Colonel Sherman T. Potter, Camp Bucca's CO.

"Potter, I mean Colonel Potter, is a stand-up guy, normally," the woman said. "I don't know what the heck got into him."

Col. Potter, whose career extends as far back as the Korean War, regretted Test Subject Allen's demotion, but said the matter was out of his hands.

"The pictures were intercepted by my XO, Major Burns. Burns never gets invited to anything, so he thought that was a pretty good way to get back at the fellas," he said. "As far as I am concerned, I can appreciate the boys and girls having a good time after putting their necks on the line for democracy. And I can also appreciate a fine piece of booty. But if people don't keep me in the loop, there's nothing I can do, really."

Allen and her family are devastated.

Major Burns was unable for comment, as he himself is currently awaiting disciplinary action for locking himself in the women's shower.

"Of course, he says somebody shoved him into the ladies' showers and then locked him in," one of his tent mates said. "But I wouldn't put that sort of thing past old Burnsie. Now, if he'd take back his complaint against poor Dee, maybe some exculpatory evidence could be found on his behalf."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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