The self proclaimed man with the World's Largest Penis is back from an emergency medical procedure undertaken in Papua, Indonesia, where he was fitted with a new 'Penis Gourd" with a zipper in order to relieve stress.
According to Doctor's involved in the extensive 12 hour operation which required a plaster cast of the member to be taken using dental mold material, a search into the interior of the continent's darkest jungles looking for the very scarce 'gatal-gatal' leaves, and finally a gourd of the "Omigodurhung'' tree large enough to handle the massive member while in repose.
Bargis had been complaining for months of excessive back strain as he was forced to carry around his super sized sex organ which, while bringing him fame, and some say fortune, and not an insignificant amount of 'booty', was starting to become troublesome from a medical point of view.
Bargis thanks the recent chronicled jungle exploits of intrepid Journalists Sir Erskine Quint, and Botanist Victor Nicholas for leading him to darkest Indonesia with it's free medical care and treatment involving the miracle gatal-gatal leaves and gigantic gourds.
"Without their magnificent work, I might have been doomed to suffer this back pain for the rest of my life. I think they should both receive the Nobel Prize for Outstanding Work for their relentless Pursuit of Penis Pain Remission in Older Male Sufferers," said the grateful male icon.
Bargis says his new prosthesis, the largest gourd natives could find from a Omigourhung' tree estimated to be over 1200 years old, and fitted with a titanium zipper, enables him to "truss up" when he feels back strain coming on. The light weight gourd is suspended from Kevlar Suspenders which enables most of the weight from the awesome appendage to be transferred
evenly to his hips, " I kind of feel a little like Larry King when I 'suit up', "said Bargis, "the same but a little different....the difference being I don't marry everyone who wants to see "my 'lil friend!"
Tryhol, also a successful business man, said he found an interesting side effect from using the 'gatal-gatal' leaves which are used to rub down his member to relieve chafing when sliding into his gourd.
"The leaves are amazing...rub a little on your dick, and it's similar to being stung by a bee...everything swells up instantly, there is a not unpleasant tremor that sends chills through your ball sack, as Chris Matthews might say, and then you're ready for action!"
According to Tryhol, the leaves also have the side effect of curbing premature ejaculation, a malady most often found on the Continent, but occasionally rearing it's ugly head in the Colonies, usually on the Left Coast.
Bargis said he has bought a Gatal-Gatal plantation in Indonesia, and will be marketing his new sexual enhancement product under his own name in small tubes labeled:"Bargis Tryhol-It's Hard to Be Me 2 Hour Joint Stiffener Creme" which will be sold on line from his Indonesian site to avoid the hassle of the FDA.
Fellow back sufferer Bureau Person, said he was applying for a medical dispensation under the new Obamacare Provisions, and hoped he would be able to travel to Indonesia soon to find relief from his life long pain.
"I can only hope I can find the relief Bargis found," said the prolific scribe," If it works, I'm going to have everyone of my Spoofing Friends sign my gourd but the place at the tip will be reserved for Bargis...he might be a Big Prick, but he's a true friend who felt my pain, and did something about it!"
Bureau said he's already selected his gourd which was not as difficult to find as Bargis's, "Hell," he said, "Compared to Bargis, I only needed a Snippet!"