London - (Torquemada): A routine electronic sweep at famous defamation lawyers Finkleshyster & Chutzpah's London office has uncovered an Aladdin's Cave of bugging equipment bearing all the classic hallmarks of a paranoid Vatican snoop.
Earlier this month the lawfirm announced it was to apply for an arrest warrant during the Pope's UK visit in September based on seminal UN Security Council rulings regarding sovereign criminal immunity - and/or lack thereof.
Media reports this week said the London Vice Squad had arrested a First Vatican Offshore Bank of Tel Aviv undercover agent in a quasi-related Goldman Sachs fraud probe sting.
The operative had been posing as a junior trainee at the libel lawfirm when caught on video with his pants down in flagrente delicto at a Conservative Party HQ orgy.
Sources close to the Curia are said to be utterly desperate to find out what dirt the lawyers have dug up about Papa Ratzi, Vatican child sex abuse and its cover-ups, the P2 Lodge, the murder of God's Banker Roberto Calvi, the Vatican poisoning of Pope John Paul I, the collapse of Banco Ambrosiano, the children of Hitler's Pope Pius XII and all his successors, etc, etc.
Susan Boyle's real surname is Ratzinger.