Vatican City - Pope Benedict XVI issued a Papal Bull today about the sacrament of Holy Communion. A very stoned Pope Benedict XVI has decreed that marijuana will be a major part of the Roman Catholic Mass from now on. Exciting new biblical research indicates Jesus and the Apostles smoked a bong during the Last Supper.
"All Roman Catholics must smoke marijuana." stated the pontiff. "The Holy Smoke represents the Holy Spirit. Breath in the Holy Smoke to unite with the Holy Trinity, and know God!" stated the 85-year old pot head.
Roman Catholics are now to believe that Jesus performed three miracles during the Last Supper. Jesus turned bread into His body, wine into His blood and marijuana smoke into His spirit.
Giant communal bongs are now being installed in all Roman Catholic churches. The pope recommends participants have three bong hits each during each Mass.
"Take three hits, and open your spirit to God!" ordered the pope. "And the wine is nice too." he remembered.
Major crowds are expected at all Roman Catholics, beginning this Sunday. All drug laws against marijuana will be suspended, because it interferes with freedom of religion.
"We welcome all faiths to the Church now! Come and smoke some hits with us, and unite in the Holy Spirit!" said the pontiff. He then took a few good hits from a nearby bong.
"Bong hits for Jesus!" he cackled.