Written by Earl Grey
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Saturday, 24 April 2010

image for U.S. Man Chooses His Firing Squad
The 'gas and gun' method was still the best

A prisoner on death row has opted for death by a firing squad of his own choosing. When given the choice between a lethal injection or being shot by a squad of his own choosing, Ronnie Lee Gardiner told the judge "Silly question. Shooting please!"

Utah is the only state that gives such a choice, and the firing squad has proved a popular choice. Gardiner has asked for Stevie Wonder and Professor Stephen Hawking to form his firing squad. It is thought that Wonder is growing tired of requests to shoot prisoners and he is by no means certain to agree.

Critics of the Utah system say that shooting is a relic of the Wild West, and that Wonder is yet to hit the target. Under Utah law, if the bullets miss the prisoner is free to go. Wonder has fired at twenty three prisoners in Utah and so far has managed to hit: one prison chaplain, two prison guards, three prison wardens, one relative of the prisoner's victim and a CNN cameraman.

Prison reformers hope that this will be the last such execution of its type in Utah.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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