PORTSMOUTH, England - A Royal British Navy warship flotilla left this English Channel port city early today en route to Iceland.
The British government has expressed extreme anger, disdain, outrage, and bitterness at the ugly hellacious volcanic ash mess that Iceland's volcano Eyjafjallajokull (pronounced: ETHEL MER-man) is causing all over the United Kingdom.
Queen Elizabeth II, who is the exalted commander of the Royal British Navy has dispatched a British aircraft carrier, The HMS David Frost, as well as three British battleships, The HMS Ringo Starr, The HMS Benny Hill, and The brand new state of the art HMS Cheryl "Chezza" Cole.
The warship flotilla will also be accompanied by three Polaris submarines, The HMS Blimey, The HMS Crumpet, and The HMS Gobsmack.
The Royal Queen herself Lizzy, as her grandchildren call her in private of course, has made it abundantly clear that the purpose of the Royal British warship flotilla is two-fold. One it will focus all of its firepower on blasting the everliving daylights out of the lava spewing effen volcano (the queen's exact words).
Secondly, the English flotilla will bring back much needed ice which will be stored and distributed to ASDA, the United Kingdom's leading supermarket chain. This ice will be sold during the summer to provide those Englishmen who prefer iced tea with ice cubes.
In a developing story. X-Factor judge Louis Walsh is denying reports coming out of West Brompton that he has been texting Amy Winehouse and asking her to meet him for a drink or eight.