Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 20 April 2010

image for Joint UK/US Everest Expedition Places Man On Summit
A Rodriguez Waiting Patiently For The Rest Of The Gang To Arrive

Confirmation just in that team US member A. Rodriguez, fightin' tooth and nail out of San Antonio, Texas, stood on the summit of Everest this morning at 02:32 GMT - the first successful summit attempt this climbing season, and the esteemed mountaineer's 42nd summit this year.

Ably supported by climbing Sherpa, Governor Rick Perry, Rodriguez uttered the following immortal line:

"That's one small step for a Spoofer, but one giant leap for Spoofing kind."

As Rodriguez relaxes, taking in the view and feeling a little lonesome all the way up there on his own, a British trio heavily influenced by a one-time Bolivian revolutionary, a Scottish Anarchist and some damn fool in a long coat struck out for the summit from Camp IV on the South Col.

Assisted by Sherpas Cheryl Cole, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Head Porter Katie Price, the Britain's Not Got A Great Deal Of Talent team, comprising Colonel Juan, SPECTRUM and Skoob struck out for the summit at 02:46 GMT carrying ample supplies of bottled hot air.

"We can do this bugger, just like the bee-keeper," Colonel Juan announced confidently.

"If we can make it a short and sweet blitz type assault, we should make it," SPECTRUM added.

Skoob announced that he wasn't so sure, as he was suffering from blistered feet, a stunted sense of direction, and a serious bout of melancholia brought on by volcanic ash and Adrian Chiles's defection from the BBC to GMTV.

Team US member, Bargis Tryhol was forced back to base camp after a gruelling encounter with a Californian environmentalist left him with inertia of the penis, severe back pain, and chapped lips.

Back at Base Camp, Queen Mudder took over the cook's detail and was busy cooking up some Sordid Ass Mess ready for the summiteers' return, as Bureau headed alone into the Khumbu Icefall en route to the Western Cwm where he intends to break a trail of fixed snippets.

The independent team of rapid ascent Alpine style climbers Victor Nicholas and Erskin Quint were reportedly stuck half way up the Lhotse Face en route to the South Col avidly studying moss samples but with no Kate's to report.

Reports are also coming in of an environmentalist expedition headed by the San Francisco Onion attacking the mountain from the Tibetan side with a mission statement to clear litter and monitor glacier melt rates.

In Bangkok, Monkey Woods was being held under house arrest by Thai authorities for wearing a red shirt. He said that he was glad that he couldn't get to the mountain because he wouldn't go up there under any circumstances. Not even for a gold clock. At least that's what we think he said.

More climbers are making their way to Base Camp every gay, with Bill Licks, PM Wortham and shea lo confident and in high spirits.

The dark horse of this climbing season appears to be Brit-Lit specialist Lynton, who was hastily typing a haiku to a big arsed Brazilian lady he shared a sleeping bag with on a trip up The Amazon.

The SuBo fan contingent promised a mass assault as soon as their heroine has cleared the volcanic ash out of her fleshy feminine folds.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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