Written by Tawdry Soup
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Topics: Cannibalism

Sunday, 18 April 2010

image for Stranded American Tourists Turn to Cannibalism
Oh man, I just gotta eat.

Frankfurt, Germany - A group of obese American tourists, stranded in the Frankfurt airport by the Icelandic ash cloud, has resorted to cannibalism after exceeding their credit card limits.

The group of Americans from Topeka, Kansas were heading home after embarking on a culinary tour of Germany over a week ago. They had pretty much eaten their way through their credit card balances and the German countryside when they received news their flight back to Twinkie land was cancelled for the fifth time, with no hope of leaving anytime soon.

After sitting in the airport for 18 hours with nothing to eat, American tourist Paul Stewell, who had been coveting a fellow tourist's upper arm for the last 6 hours, finally grabbed the damn thing and bit a healthy chunk out of it. "Then all hell broke loose," said a steward from Delta Airlines, who witnessed the macabre mayhem. "All the Americans started biting at anything that breathed. You could hear their teeth clacking together when they missed a target. I had to spray one of them in the mouth with my pepper spray and barely made it out alive."

As a diversion technique, Frankfurt Airport security announced that free "Triple Meat and Cheese-Stuffed Super Double Doozies" would be given away in section EE on the Second Level. A stampede of corpulent cannibals ensued that managed to mangle every living thing along the way. But once the Americans found out there wasn't such an animal, but some peanuts and pretzels instead, "they went blimpin' ballistic," said a rattled security guard. "But at least we got the threat contained. They are all in one place now and just by looking at them it looks like there's enough food to go around for at least a couple of months."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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