ICELAND: Ash clouds from Iceland's spewing volcano halted air traffic across much of Europe on Thursday. Not since 911 has the world seen such a large-scale grounding of flights.
Residents of Iceland have been watching their local volcano become more active in the past few months and Thursday was the Big Eruption. Clouds of ash have now started drifting across Britain and the European Union is completely helpless to do anything.
An EU spokesperson said: "We have already bailed out Iceland and we have nothing left to give. It is now up to them to come up with a solution"
Following an emergency Cabinet meeting the Icelandic Chief went on national TV asking all families to "identify their virgin daughters as potential sacrifice victims"
"Ve haf to do somzing to happease ze angry gods and virgins haf alvays done ze trick"
However, finding virgins is Iceland is a difficult task so the plea is being outsourced to other European countries.
The Icelandic Minister for Volcanic Eruptions pleaded:
"We beg our Scandinavian neighbors to spare us their extra virgins. We will be extremely grateful for this assistance. The matter is urgent and no time can be wasted"
Meanwhile Canada stated that the amount of refugee asylum claims from Iceland has quadrupled in the past 24 hours with "Icelandic virgins" claiming harassment and fear of death if they remained in their home country.
Canada's Asylum Minister Gudrun Bjornsdottir - herself of Icelandic origin - said "each application was being examined on its own merit" although potential Olympic medalists were being moved to the "top of the list"