Israel, 2023 - The world's last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a "Palestinian."
Back in 2016, Afnan was found clinging to a crushed olive tree on land she claimed belonged to her grandfather. She was eventually brought to the zoo by an humanitarian group investigating war crimes against Israel during a recent dust-up between the two parties that killed every wild Palestinian in the Gaza strip and West Bank, and left scores of Israelis with minor injuries.
In a press conference, an Israeli zookeeper was asked if there were any special accommodations for Afnan, who looked and acted almost human, and was often seen with her head in her hands as if crying or in utter despair. Those concerns were waived off by the head Israeli zoo official.
"I think the world should be more concerned with our situation. What if her cage was used as a base for terrorist groups? We were forced to install security cameras that captured her every movement so she was never alone to wreak havoc on the surrounding animal population. To keep her disoriented, we blindfolded her and moved her every few days, but were constantly concerned how she might use the new location for her personal gain.
"At one point she found a water spigot that she could turn on and off at will. Then in another cage I noticed she was able to look up and see a sliver of blue sky-I shudder at the thought of what might have happened if either of those situations were allowed to continue. Finally, we built this ditch around her cage so she couldn't have physical interactions and started giving her a couple of good shake downs every day. And to thank us for all we did, she up and dies. We have billed her posthumously for her upkeep, but it looks like the American taxpayer will end up footing the bill."
With a wry smile, an Israeli judge signed the official document declaring the end of all things Palestinian forever and closed the book on a long and difficult chapter of human history.
As is the custom when there is an Israeli sponsored burial for a Palestinian, Afnan was taken to a field and buried beneath a pile of rubble.