Citing 'Divine Intervention', Russia's "SHADOW" Prime Minister and former KGB strongman and Minister of Accidents, Vladimir Putin moved swiftly after it was announced a bizarre plane crash took the lives of the Polish President, his whole family, and the entire general staff.
The plane, according to the governor of Smolensk, in the western region of Russia, failed to clear the tree tops as it came in for a routine landing around 11 a.m. on a bright sun shiny day with no wind.
While Russian spokesmen are citing pilot error and the possibility of drinking whilst piloting, the Poles are not so sure due to the circumstances.
President Lechaczynki and staff were flying in to commemorate the wholesale murder of thousands of polish officers killed in the aftermath of WWII, and according to insiders was warned by Putin "not to make a big deal over a few accidental deaths and several suicides."
According to Correspondent Earl Grey, the Spoof's Man at Ground Zero, who was on hand to cover the commemorative event, including the President's demand for reparations over the war dead of 575M Euros, the plane appeared headed for a routine landing over a stand of spruce trees leading to the runway when 2 sudden bursts of light, not unlike lazer beams, centered on the cockpit wind screens.
"I saw two faint red beams targeted directly onto the plane that lasted only a nano second," said the keen eyed reporter," then immediately followed a mid cabin blast of some sort, and the plane disintegrated just short of the runway!"
Since that report from his I-Phone Earl has been off the air, and his current whereabouts are unknown despite desperate pleas for information from his editor.
Mr. Grey is no stranger to intrigue and being on the spot for breaking news. Up to now he has been known for cutting edge reporting, and his ability to escape danger and remain anonymous, much like the lore of his idol the Scarlet Pimpernel.
Radio Poland, immediately seized by troops under the command of a Russian General, said that 6 Battle Groups of t-34 tanks and 10 division of Russian 'Shock Troops' who happened to be 'nearby for a training exercise' had moved into Warsaw in order to quell any 'ill founded unrest due to the tragic accident."
Poland had been getting ready to hold general elections, and restart negotiations with members of America's Tea Party in order to reopen communications regarding a missile shield program recently canceled by US interim President Barry Obamsky.
A press secretary for Putin, and Robert Gibbs, the voice of the Obamsky regime announced simultaneously, 5 minutes after the horrific accident, that there was absolutely no connection to the Polish President's back door negotiations with Sarah Palin and her Chief of Staff General Petreous, with the 'tragic pilot error resulting in the death of a beloved leader of the Polish People!"
Presenting a black box recovered immediately from the crash, a Russian investigator played excerpts from the cockpit purportedly verifying that there was a drinking contest going on, as you can hear glasses being raised and a series of Polish Toasts being shouted:
"Kazdy wypity kieliszek - to gwózdz do naszej trumny… Pijmy wiec tak by trumna sie nie rozpadla." ("Every shot I take is one more nail in my coffin… That's going to be one well built coffin.")
An exchange between President Obamsky and VP Joe Biden just as the President was stepping up the the microphone to announce his condolences, is now going viral on U-Tube. As Biden hugs Obamsky and kisses him in the ear he is heard to mutter, "This is a big Fucking Deal...don't you just love smoked polish sausages!"
A laughing Obamasky then replied in soto voice:
"Nie pij gdy prowadzisz, za duzo sie rozlewa." ("Don't drink when flying, you'll spill too much")
More when Earl Resurfaces!