Vatican Shitty - (Nasty Ass Mess): A French letter said to have been used by the Pope in 1945 before becoming pontiff is at the core of a new row about the old duffer.
The latex Humperdink Jumbo prototype, originally manufactured for German midget colonies living under The Catacombs, has even been signed "To Joe from Adolf xxx" in what hysterians believe to be a touching wartime gift from the Fuherer.
Its existence has flamed a seething sex abuse row in the Vatican following weeks of nasty gaggings emerging about Joseph Ratzinger's cover-ups.
At his Castelgondolfo summer hideaway this week the pontiff was raging about intrusion into his private affairs:
"I didn't expect ze Spanish Inquisition!" His Holiness hissed at his PR aide Monsignor Georg Gangswine.
"Holy Father, nobody - but nobody! - expects....." Gangswine replied cheekily.
Responsibility for the Inquistion's subsequent reincarnation the Congregation for the Indoctrination of the Faith was passed to Cardinal Ratzinger in 1982 when Pope JP2 Lodge freaked out following Roberto 'God's Banker' Calvi's unfortunate 'suicide' under BGlackfriarts Bridge, City of London.
Vatican housekeeper Sister Ingrid Stampa is 69.