President Obama denied allegations that Hillary Clinton has been decapitated by Al Queda while on a peacekeeping mission to Kielbasastan.
"Mr. Clinton (yes we meant to say that) is a vital aspect of my regime and I can guarantee to the American people she is as alive and well as my Healthcare Reform legislation. As long as Hillary is busy with spreading our social imperialism throughout the world I am free to do whatever the cuff I want domestically. Believe me this is a win win situation."
The cause for the denial is that reports surfaced in Washington the talented illustrator and creator of the 'Where's Waldo' phenomenon Martin Handford had taken temporary residence in the White House. The cover story of his presence was that he was assisting the first family with redecoration in the children's room via wall and ceiling drawings depicting a cartoon version of the second coming with President Obama as the key player. However, with our close relationship to Jack Bauer and after a serious beat down of the artist we found the real truth.
Threatened with the very real danger of having his fingers broken Handford admitted that he had been charged with developing thousands of cardboard cutouts resembling the late Secretary of State and distributing them throughout the world. The scheme worked well since even when Hillary talks no one listens.
"Hillary's death is a huge problem for the Obama regime." Jack Offered. "I am sworn to obey only the President, and Ti Cuff, but since I was cancelled I don't give a damn anymore about keeping secrets. Apparently it isn't the fact that the Al Qaeda goons responsible for her demise had been released from Gitmo or even that a key participant of the President's regime is dead.
"The horrible truth is that Obama has run out of white people to surround himself with. The Secretary of State is the visible world 'face' of a President and both Colin Powell and Condi Rice are too respected and well perceived to play this role not to mention they are republicans. Obama is down to John Edwards and Barney Frank."
When asked why a non honky isn't considered. "Well he wanted Oprah but she won't take the pay cut so that leaves Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, or Jeremiah Wright. What would you do?"