A breaking scandal has impacted Michelle Obama's campaign to 'eat healthy' as it has been revealed the 14,500 Coloured Easter Eggs hidden on the White House Grounds were imported from China and contain deadly toxins!
The traditional hunt on Easter Sunday involves over 30,000 US lottery winners and their children who won the chance to scour the White House grounds for the gayly decorated eggs.
The discovery was made long after the eggs had been hidden on the grounds when a sanitation worker noticed that the discarded egg crates had Chinese markings and an expiration date of November 3468. Most of the crates showed signs of water damage, rodent infestation, and included six (6) lucky numbers imprinted on the cover flap.
An independent investigation by a rogue reporter has determined the eggs were originally destined for Japan, but the shipment was refused shortly after the Japanese discovered a shipment of Chinese Dumplings were contaminated with Methamidophos, an insecticide the Chinese use as a 'flavour enhancer.'
According to an inside source the eggs were then returned to China where they were then hand dipped in colourful hues formulated from Melamine, another insecticide, which contains an abundance of nitrogen.
As the world's largest producer of Melamine, the Chinese soon had an over abundance of the product and found ingenious ways to use it up and add to their ever growing favourable balance of trade.
With it's high nitrogen content it could be added to substandard feed material for domestic animals and falsely boost it's protein content which made it a cheap and financially rewarding profit center in their pet food industry.
When Melamine is mixed with formaldehyde it produced a Formica like byproduct, which then adds to a products 'shelf life' of almost 1500 years.
As the investigation continues another sinister link to the White House is coming to light as interviews with lottery winners confirms that they were all Republicans from swing states in the next election. It was confirmed that none of them had received a 2010 Census form which the government uses to distribute federal aid and redistrict areas for voting purposes, many times along favourable Democratic lines.
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs attempted to distance the White House from the scandal saying, "Michelle had nothing to do with this. Our preliminary findings indicate a Tea Bagger employed as a dishwasher infiltrated the kitchen and managed to substitute the bogus eggs for the real ones.
"We're convinced they were left over from the Nixon administration after he made the historic breakthrough with the Chinese Government, and he just left them in storage. Hu Nhu (sic) they were a ticking time bomb?"
In response to the impending tragedy, President Obama said he would sign an executive order allowing the National Health Care System to treat any affected children, and upped Death Benefits to $250 per child if their parents could provide a valid 'original' birth certificate